Swift Justice with Nancy Grace – This Week’s Shows: Cases airing this week – SwiftJustice.com.
Everyone needs their fifteen minutes of SHAME. Enjoy people.
P.S. I don’t think the air date was a coincidence.
Happy Friday.
MM
Category Archives: comedy
Can Anyone REALLY Explain What This Means Exactly?
marijuana-induced crime?
Seriously? What the fuck is a marijuana induced crime? Who makes this stuff up? More importantly, who really believes that this is a REAL problem in the world?
Make me understand.
Carla
Oh, and if you want to know where I heard this big new phrase – Fox Four News Dallas…
All this typing makes me crave a chocolate donut…
Richmond Shepard & Leslie E. Hughes in LORD BUCKLEY & MARILYN At The Richmond Shepard Theater 11/4-28 2009/10/27
If you are in NYC go see my fabulous friend in her new play… Don’t hold it against her (or me) if you are one of the chosen ones called to the stage, forced to wear funny hats while being a human puppet for Lord Buckley during the first act. You know I adore being a puppet for any man especially while wearing a hat that reminds me of BLOSSOM.
Don’t say I didnt warn you…Boop-boop-a-doop, boop-boop-a-doop!
LORD BUCKLEY
AND MARILYN
Lord Buckley, America’s Legendary Hip Comedian, Jazz Storyteller, Semanticist, & Sometime Philosopher died of old age in 1960 at the age of 54. Marilyn Monroe died of a similar ailment at 36 in 1962. These two legends who shared a time slot here on Earth are brought vividly to life by Richmond Shepard and Leslie E. Hughes.
In riffs by the master of the “Hip Semantic”– a taste of the wit and brilliance of Lord Buckley, plus Will Manus’s play “Marilyn’s 2 Chance,” which explores “What if Marilyn had survived, lived for years in obscurity, and has decided to audition to play the lead in Tennessee Williams’ “Orpheus Descending” on Broadway”?Playdates:
Nov 4, 5, 11, 12, 13, 14, 17, 18, 19, 20, 27, 28
@ 8:00 p.m.
Richmond Shepard Theatre
309 E. 26 St. at 2 Ave.212/684-269o Reservations
$18, Stud/Sen $10
For More Information Click Link Below:
Some Marilyn Monroe Quotes To Get You In The Mood:
- People respect you because they feel you’ve survived hard times and endured, and although you’ve become famous, you haven’t become phony.
- Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you’re a human being, you feel, you suffer.
- Dogs never bite me. Just humans.
- I’ve never dropped anyone I believed in.
- If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere.
Welcome Wagon in New Hood & First Improv Class
OCTOBER 2 2009
I am on the J train on the way back to Brooklyn. I just finished my first class at UBC. At first I was very certain I was gonna hate it but now I think its exactly what I need.
I was ten min late for my class, of course. While I was running to the subway Some nice neighborhood black guys welcomed me (whitey) to the hood. I smiled waved and blew them a kiss. There are very few white people in my friends neighborhood but its cool, interesting and definitely fraternity brother free. I look REALLY white but I hate white people as much as they do.
During my class it was pointed out that what I was saying was very funny but that I looked down when I was speaking. I think my confidence has definitely been effected buy the events of the past year. I think if anything this class will tremendously help my confidence.
We did lots of different things in groups and I feel like im the weirdo as usual. I love the guy who is teaching the class. The teacher is super funny. Seems very honest and upfront about what he thinks and how he thinks u are doing.
Im a bit scared of my first walk from the subway to his apt at night being that I glow in the dark and all. However, I haven’t had any problems so far. The best thing about his neighborhood is right when u get off the train there is a Popeye’s chicken. yeah…. biscuits and chicken whenever I have a craving.
Xxoo
Carla
New York!!!! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of, There’s nothing you can’t do, Now you’re in New York!!! These streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you, Let’s hear it for New York, New York, New York. -Jay-Z/Alicia Keys
Yo, Haters…I Did It
September 30, Noon
Today is the day, the day I go to New York. Currently I am sitting on the airplane waiting for the plane to take off. “Maintenance is replacing a part” before we are cleared for take off. While I am waiting Ill recap the events of the day so far.
I made it to the airport with no time to spare but thats because I had to get in one last Chick-fil-A fix because there is no Chick-fil-A in NYC. (Thanks Ken) American Airlines listed the terminal and gate information incorrectly on their website so I checked my bags then Ken drove me to the correct terminal. I hug and kiss him good bye and run inside to hurry up and get through security so I have time to stock up on some snacks before I get on the plane.
Of course my plans are changed when I actually get to security… They try to send me back to the ticket counter because I am one bag over the limit. Oh hell no! I have my purse, a carry on and Chloe in an airline approved dog carrier. I paid $100 for her I am NOT paying to check another bag. I am allowed to continue on and when I present my boarding pass and photo ID I am told that “I have been personally selected by the airlines to go through secondary security screening”.
Grrrrrrrreaaaaaat!
Secondary Security Selection Criteria from Wikipedia
Neither the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) nor the airlines publish the criteria that are used when boarding passes are issued to identify passengers who will be given extra screening or be denied boarding.
Some criteria are:
- Passengers with a one-way reservation.
- Passengers who pay cash for their tickets.
- Passengers who book reservations the day of their flight.
- Passengers who “no show” a single leg of their flight.
- Random selection, according to TSA spokeswoman Amy Von Walter in 2004, and as suggested by a 2003 DOI newsletter.
- Flight to specific final destinations.
- Flying without ID
So because I am sitting on the plane I guess its safe to say that this VIL (very important loser) made it through security. [wipes sweat from forehead] I am upset that there was no time to stock up on snacks but I am happy to be sitting here on the plane that is still parked at the gate at DFW which will be heading to LGA any minute now. This move is the hardest one yet. Raising the money to move is one of the craziest things I have ever done (and I have done a lot of crazy things).
A quick thank you to a friend who went above and beyond to make it possible for me to be sitting here. Thank you for staying up most of the night packing and moving all those boxes that weighed almost as much as I do. I am so thankful that you came back into my life and helped me when there was no one else. Thank you for reminding me how to have fun. Thank you for showing me that sometimes people do stand by you through the good times AND the bad. Thank you for picking me up off the floor and not letting me quit. Thank you for doing everything you could think of just to make me smile again. Your kindness will never be forgotten.
We are about to take off. I am exhausted so I am putting my hoodie on and getting some rest… I’m gonna need it. In 3 short hours I will be landing in New York.
2 Hours and 45 Minutes Later…
We are about to land. I see the city through my tiny airplane window. I’m actually smiling. I’m here. I have nothing but my charm and a 2 lb chihuahua. If I can make the fundraiser work I can do anything.
So here begins the new chapter of my life…
Stay tuned…
Garage Sales Are More Work Than I Thought They Were
I’m OVER it. I need sleep but there is no time.
Close your eyes, tap your heels together three times and think to yourself… there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.
- The Wizard of Oz
Fundraising Update – A Huge Thanks To Everyone Who Donated
Thank you To The Following People For Their Generous Donations
Lourdes L, New York City, NY
Juan M, Dallas, TX
American Comedy Institute Scholarship
Anonymous, Dallas, TX
Anonymous, Long Island NY
Leslie H, New York City, NY
Fred A, Hauppauge,NY
Kevin M, Area of New England mistaken for New York (CT)
Angie V, Los Angeles, CA
Steven Coz, Dallas, TX
Stella & Chico, Brooklyn, NY
TOTAL MONEY RAISED:
$3,675.00
Thank you all for your support. Lots of love.
XOXO
Carla
Comments Regarding My Escape to NYC Plan
Comments I have received about Carla’s Campaign
More comments to come… and an update on donations…
You are crazy. good luck.
-Ken, Dallas (I worked for him for one entire day)
Please remove me from your mailing list. Or, if you can’t bring yourself to do that, shorten your emails. Thank you.
-Bob, Dallas Comedian
Now that you know the woes of comedy get out there and leave a mark on the world and that does not mean on the side walk. I Will do what i can to help get the word out there. Come check me out on MySpace at Check Doug Out Check Doug Out
-Doug, Dallas Comedian
Good luck and keep in touch. Take care
- Danny, Dallas Comedian
Hang in there and BTW i love your campaign letter. My mom told me she would donate 40$ to your cause…plus “the wardrobe”. Love you and hang in there.
-Yasmine Baghestani, Dallas, Artist
Carla, I’m sitting here reading your email and I can see you are really depressed and distraught. And really I don’t know how to respond to you without saying something that you might find hard to hear, but I’m going to say it because you need to hear it…going to the American Comedy Institute is going to get you absolutely nowhere.
I have been doing Comedy Defensive Driving School now for 20 years and over the years I have had literally had over 1,000 comedians go thru my doors. Some like Robert Hawkins, Ralphie May, Scott Kennedy, Chinaman and the soon to be famous Dustin Ybarra have gone on to much bigger and better things. I can assure you that none of them went to anything like ACI. In fact the only schooling most did for their comedy was to teach classes for me… and constantly write material… and getting up night after night in front of small unappreciated audiences and bang away at their craft until they they got so good that – like cream, they rose to the top. They all payed their dues, and those I just mentioned worked like the devil (and possibly made a deal with him/her) to achieve their success. There are no shortcuts.
You’re in a great market to start your comedy career, because there are numerous clubs in TX (DFW, Austin San Antonio and Houston – with over 10 million people in those 4 metropolitan areas.) And no pressure to perfect your craft – cause if you can’t make a dent here, how can you make it in NY or LA?
My advice to you is: get ingrained into the local comedy market – get to know the managers of the clubs and get up on their open mikes write material with other comedians – every opportunity you get try to develop a character(s) or different delivery styles to make you standout from the others (think Bobcat Goldthwait, Louie Anderson, Steven Wright or Mitch Hedburg) or try doing material so edgy that no self respecting person would ever talk about it – Sarah Silverman.
But first and foremost, get focused, be single-minded in purpose and never get detracted from your mission.
If you want, like I offered you before – I will be happy to give you a job – where you can get up in front of a small group day after day and try out your persona(s) and material. (Think of it as training in the gym to get ready for the competition.) Yes, its boring, shit work for someone who wants to be famous. But it will teach you discipline and allow you to make decent money and give you a flexible schedule so you can work at your craft when the opportunity arises!
So pick your chin up off the floor and get tough… you’re going to need to get a real thick skin in order to make it, regardless of what direction you take to get there. And don’t worry as friends and the trappings of success are fluid – and they will find you once again, when you’re ready for it. Best of luck, Carla.
~Richard, Dallas Comedian
Hello The Milo, I’m sorry to hear things have gotten so awful, I’m hoping it gets better, I think I am always hopeful in some way. I will forward this and continue to hope.
-Love you, Nikki
i just wanted to let you know i’m thinking of you and hope you can find a way to come back!!! You know you have a friend, for whatever it’s worth. xo
-Holly DeRito, NYC
apparantly you sent the links wrong and they are all invalid. just thought I would let you know.
- The dirty bird who betrayed me, Dallas, Tex-Ass
(Dear Dirty Bird, Thanks for grading my papers for me but what do you KNOW about HTML? Apparently, you should have started off with spell check before sending your snide email about my links that I know you didn’t even click on because you don’t give a fuck about anyone but yourself. CM)
I wish you the best of luck.
-Heather Rogers, Dallas, TX
MORE TO COME... Thank you all for your kind words, advice and support. XOXO Carla
My Life Is Lame
Here I am living in a hotel. I have two storage’s full of my belongings – one in Brooklyn and one in Dallas. I did not put my stuff in storage in Dallas by choice but my life is full of these dramas that I have no control over. I feel like everyone is losing their mind. I think the economy has had a serious effect on the people who have been affected financially and I dont blame them its a scary thing.
I came back to Dallas temporarily because I thought it would only be for a few months. I wake up everyday living with my poor decision and am on a mission to do anything to get things back on track. I was scared because basically I was alone in NYC. I looked for a job for six months and didnt find one so I chickened out and ran to my friends dad’s house for what I thought was a little break to get my head together. Instead I have experienced a serious of set backs… one after another. These set backs have been heartbreaking ones and I often find myself wanting to sit down and give up. Instead I have decided to try and raise the money ONE DOLLAR at the time to start over again.
Please visit my website for more information. THANKS SO MUCH for your support.
Corporate America Ruined Fashion
