Forget Mace, Want a Man to Leave You Alone…Start Talking About Doggie Pageants

I’ve been working a temp job all week and answering the phones at the front desk can get a bit lonely but because I am crafty I have no problem “creating my own entertainment”.   This idea was inspired by a recent experience that my friend Bicostal and I had in Austin in January.

Bicoastal and I are both outgoing girls and have no trouble meeting people and striking up conversations with people and people don’t have any problem striking up a conversation with us.  The problem with people striking up a conversation with us is that the ones who do are usually, how can I say this, ummm, not worthy of talking to… duds, perhaps (to put it nicely).

There are those times when you get stuck in a situation or a conversation with someone and you just dont know a nice way to excuse yourself and it would be just too mean to start screaming and go running from the room.  You want to get rid of this dude?  Two words girls, DOGGIE PAGEANTS.  First of all the look on their face when you mention this for the first time in the conversation is a look of sheer terror.   They are so scared they don’t know what to do… all they know is they want to get away, far away from the likes of anyone who is passionately talking about their love of doggie tutus.

While I was at the temp job for a week I chose this nice yuppie boy and tested my theory out on him.  This is a no fail defense plan ladies.  This poor smuck simply mentioned in passing it was such a nice day outside, a nice day to play golf.  In response I added that I agree that it was a beautiful day outside but spending it playing golf is not exactly what I would have on the itinerary of things to do on such a beautiful day.  Being polite he asked what I would do instead of golf on such a beautiful day… and well, I said it those two little words… doggie pageants.  I had to look away to keep from laughing when I saw him make the face.  He quickly said he was late for a meeting and darted for the elevator.  I didn’t see much of this poor guy for the rest of the week.  I think he probably decided to take the stairs or the freight elevator just to avoid the likes of me and my tutu talk.

So girls the next time you are on a bad date, trapped talking to close talker guy with bad breath, trying to lose your stalker just remember these two words and just like Houdini you can escape from a potentially bad situation…

This post is dedicated to my dog Chloe, my favorite pageant dog who is very sick right now.  XXOO

Doggie Pageant

Photo taken by the fabulous Christopher Appoldt.