Happy Holidays to Me

For you bible loving freaks – read slow because I am only saying this once.  These rest of you continue drowning your sorrows in that glass of whatever you’re filling it up with this week.  This actually doesnt apply to anyone in the Gay Community – you’re holiday festivities are always magically delicious.

So unless you’re Dave Gahan calling… I wont be lifting up the receiver and no, you wont be making me a believer. When I say believer I am referring to anything that is affiliated to faith, religion, celebrating jesus on his birthday, good ole’ holiday traditions and/or holiday cheer.

The holidays 2009 are officially canceled in Carla-Land this year. Why? Because  in Carla-Land I make the rules, not you.  Yes, I have a bad year and I am still in a recovery phase.  The last thing I need is one of you brainwashed breeder types fucking it up.

No, I will not be dressing up like a pilgrim then showing up drunk at your family’s Thanksgiving with Chloe dressed up like a Turkey.  Not even in search of the infamous stuffing, not even if you promise to throw in apple pie.  Sorry to disappoint you.

Sadly, no, I won’t be sending out cute Christmas cards that you dont even read with Chloe on the front dressed in some christmas themed ensemble.    I will not be dressing up like a christmas tree, Mrs. Claus, satan, Rudolph or that kid with the be be gun from A Christmas Story.  I wont be busting in during  your family’s boring Christmas dinner wasted with one of my friends to make inappropriate comments and to save you from dying from boredom.

All I want is silence.  I dont want to hear about all the gifts you are receiving an d the gifts you are giving and how boyfriend might propose to you.  Im bored with all of it and I dont care. Sorry.

Im taking this year off.

Until next year when you are all miserable from all that quality family time and fat from eating your feelings and im happy because my pants still button.

Happy Holidays to you.  Un-happy holidays to you if your initials are JTG, SCH II, JAJ, AEM, CMS.

XOXO