Why I Hate Your Generation
I’m Talking to You Late Teens & Twenty Somethings … What is your Generation Called Anyway? Aside from religious fruit cakes (this includes Alex, the religious ringleader of my family who is technically my father) I have never disliked a group of people as a whole so much.The only reason I don’t altogether hate you is because of
“I’m just trying to change the world one sequin at a time.”~Lady GaGa
- and alright Ill admit to liking MGMT even though they look like hipsters.
The rest of you are the lazy, lame and boring. How am I supposed to be a balanced adult if I cant relive my youth vicariously through you? I don’t give a flying fuck about the scandalous tales from your 6AM yoga class. First of all no one who is cool goes to anything at 6AM except breakfast because you’re still up from the night before. I am not waiting at the edge of my seat to find out what skank in your yoga class is using last seasons yoga mat. Now if it was your yoga mat that she took from your apartment after she let your boyfriend fuck her up the ass on and posted the sex tape online then I’m all ears.
Get a life. Take a chance. Get high. Fall in love. Be irresponsible. Break rules. Eat carbs. Get your own style. Read a book, a real one. Give your last ten dollars to a homeless person. Make friends with people who are different from you. Just because your parents are judgmental assholes doesn’t mean you have to be. They cant help it, they were probably raised by baby boomer’s. Stop trying to get famous by embarrassing yourself on a reality show.
With all that meditating you do I think you should be able to muster up some creativity that you didn’t steal from all the generations before you. I know, I know we were way cooler than you but thats because we rebelled. All the rule breaking and rebellious behavior is necessary in defining your own identity.
There is much more to life than buying stuff. Stop spending your money on tanning unless you are currently in a play which is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory you’re one of the oompa loompas. Stop putting caps on your teeth or whatever it is you are doing, you were prettier before and now you look like a horse. I’m talking to you Amanda Bynes, Hillary Duff and Hedi Montag.
Oh and your religious beliefs you can stick them in same place your boyfriend put his cock in that yoga mat sex tape. Maybe you wouldn’t be so uptight if you actually had sex once in a while. Sex is supposed to be fun. I bet your boyfriend wouldnt have slept with that skank if you didn’t act like a frigid bitch. Well, maybe not… men are animals they have a hard time saying no. Sex and love are two separate things and I think women as a whole need to understand this. Oh, and you men need to stop going around thinking that life is one big porn movie and that you are the Hugh Hefner of the upper east side. Do yourself and us a favor and go visit your grandmother and have her teach you some manners and start treating us the way a man is supposed to treat a lady.
Who cares about your five year plan, don’t you remember that we are all going to die in the end? Why are you so worried about what is going to happen to you when you die? I hate to break it to you but you there is no proof that there is an after life. Why not focus on not being an asshole in this life the life you’re presently living? I know its hard to spend time on something that you cant twitter about without looking uncool. Start off small, look in the mirror. Do you like the person looking back? Get to know yourself. Don’t take those pills your shrink gave you because you’re too young to have all those mental disorders they say you have.
As for me I am old enough to have a variety pack of mental disorders and I cant grow up and let go of my Peter Pan Complex unless you young people step up your game and start acting your age. You have plenty of time to be boring and act my age. I’m tired and I’m ready to pass the torch.
Oh and one more thing… stop fucking up Halloween. Using Halloween as an excuse to dress up like a slut is not creative and you’re ruining Halloween for the rest of us. If you were rebellious like you are supposed to be then you wouldn’t need to adhere to a rule that is clearly the first rule that needs to be broken. Now get busy and show me what you’ve got because I cant fill in for you anymore because there is nothing cool about the creepy old person at the bar hanging on to their youth by a string hanging from their worn out “club one” pants.
Young child with dreams. Dream ev’ry dream on your own.
– Neil Diamond
I love you..and you ARE very right..we were the generation of rule breakers. We started the 15 year old drinking in a bar with a Florida ID of some fat random 30 year old chic. Ring a bell??? We wrote letters..and they were such good letters..to those we loved and obsessed over and stalked..we couldn’t “email”..or TEXT them. We partied like the boys and drank with them..and didn’t give oral because it was trendy and expected. I could carry on and on…oh and on.
Those letters… if only we still had them. OH MY. Those nasty bars we got into with our fake IDS.
We were bad asses.
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