Swift Justice with Nancy Grace – This Week’s Shows: Cases airing this week – SwiftJustice.com.
Everyone needs their fifteen minutes of SHAME. Enjoy people.
P.S. I don’t think the air date was a coincidence.
Happy Friday.
MM
Chihuahua Love
“The purity of a person’s heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals” ~ Anonymous
My Chihuahua Chloe turns 14 today – I can’t believe that Ive had fourteen years with her. My relationship with her is the longest relationship i’ve ever had. She is the only thing that I religiously took care of and was responsible about in my entire life. This amazing creature loves me unconditionally and that’s not an easy thing to do. She is the family I never had and always wanted. I may have had a shitty family growing up but my family now is AMAZING. This little dog has allowed me opportunities I would have never have had without her. She has more charm and more charisma than anyone I know. I am honored to be her doggie Mom.
“A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself.” ~ Josh Billings
If you have never had the privilege of owning a pet I think you need to adopt one. UNLESS your name is Michael Vick or Martellus Bennett, in that case PLEASE PLEASE refrain from being a pet owner.
Happy Birthday Chloe Diva Dog Extraordinaire, my precious baby love.
XOXO
Chloe's Birthday Lunch - Happy 14th Birthday!
The kind man feeds his beast before sitting down to dinner. ~Hebrew Proverb
Forget Mace, Want a Man to Leave You Alone…Start Talking About Doggie Pageants
I’ve been working a temp job all week and answering the phones at the front desk can get a bit lonely but because I am crafty I have no problem “creating my own entertainment”. This idea was inspired by a recent experience that my friend Bicostal and I had in Austin in January.
Bicoastal and I are both outgoing girls and have no trouble meeting people and striking up conversations with people and people don’t have any problem striking up a conversation with us. The problem with people striking up a conversation with us is that the ones who do are usually, how can I say this, ummm, not worthy of talking to… duds, perhaps (to put it nicely).
There are those times when you get stuck in a situation or a conversation with someone and you just dont know a nice way to excuse yourself and it would be just too mean to start screaming and go running from the room. You want to get rid of this dude? Two words girls, DOGGIE PAGEANTS. First of all the look on their face when you mention this for the first time in the conversation is a look of sheer terror. They are so scared they don’t know what to do… all they know is they want to get away, far away from the likes of anyone who is passionately talking about their love of doggie tutus.
While I was at the temp job for a week I chose this nice yuppie boy and tested my theory out on him. This is a no fail defense plan ladies. This poor smuck simply mentioned in passing it was such a nice day outside, a nice day to play golf. In response I added that I agree that it was a beautiful day outside but spending it playing golf is not exactly what I would have on the itinerary of things to do on such a beautiful day. Being polite he asked what I would do instead of golf on such a beautiful day… and well, I said it those two little words… doggie pageants. I had to look away to keep from laughing when I saw him make the face. He quickly said he was late for a meeting and darted for the elevator. I didn’t see much of this poor guy for the rest of the week. I think he probably decided to take the stairs or the freight elevator just to avoid the likes of me and my tutu talk.
So girls the next time you are on a bad date, trapped talking to close talker guy with bad breath, trying to lose your stalker just remember these two words and just like Houdini you can escape from a potentially bad situation…
This post is dedicated to my dog Chloe, my favorite pageant dog who is very sick right now. XXOO
Doggie Pageant
Photo taken by the fabulous Christopher Appoldt.
Fair Weather Friends Flock Together and Stay the Flock Away From Me
“So what she/he keeps talking about you and hating on you. What do you think a “hater’s” job is to hate. If you have someone hating on you right now you better think of how to get 5 more people hating on you by Christmas. You need haters to make you stronger. Without haters most people wouldn’t try to become better. Just tell them “b*tch u just hate me because you can’t be me…” ~Katt Williams
I am so over it. I am over liars. I am over cheaters. I am over sugar coated comments. I am over back handed compliments. I am over fake friends. I am over people who pass judgment on me without getting the entire story. I am over people who give advice who have no life experiences to qualify you to give advice. I am over everything with a penis trying to fuck me. I am over fair weather friends. I am over back stabbers. I am over sexual predators. I am over junkies. I am over jealousy. I am over making excuses for who I am to people who wish they were half the person I am. I am over people who only want to be your friend in good times and refuse to stand by you when you really need a friend. I am over rejection. I am over apologizing for shit I am not sorry for. I am over people stealing from me.
I am writing this blog to clear this shit out of my head, let it go and move on and never think about you people ever again. If this blog has an egotistical tone that’s too bad. I let you hurt me and I will not ever let any of you hurt me again. Don’t worry I will never forget the profound impact of everything that each and every one of you have done. Be proud of your accomplishments and stop trying to interfere with mine.
First of all, I would personally like to thank the three top haters in my life; Bad Egg, she saw something and wanted it for herself and took it. Her aura is green because she is a jealous person. Miss Piggy a backstabbing ex-con who pretended to be something she only wishes she was, a good person. Man Whore a sexual predator, criminal, rapist, man whore, liar, cheater, bad person, shady business man, drug dealer and abuser. Thanks for making me a stronger person.
Its seems to me that many people in my life are haters maybe even passive aggressive haters. It seems that there are many people in my life who would like to watch me fail. They at least want to keep me down enough so I wont make it but up enough t0 keep me around to entertain them and pick them up when they are down. These same people always tell me I am negative and I’m a hater, however, not one of these people have ever once been an encouraging or positive influence in my life. Im expected to always be happy and always be in a good mood. I’m expected to be agreeable and polite. I feel obligated to tone myself down. How am supposed to just make it without any help or any support? How is anyone supposed to survive with no one – not one person in their corner? Why does everyone resent me so much for being who I am? Why does everyone hate on me then try to steal what I have?
I suppose all these questions are rhetorical and I ask them only to make a point. Now that I have cleared that out of my head… guess what mother fuckers, I’m over all of you. I am done with all of you forever. You hurt me. You made me cry. You have tried to break my spirit. You have tried to point me in directions I would never go in had I never met you. I made mistakes and i am not perfect but I know how to learn from my mistakes and now I am moving on. I am moving on to a better place and I am leaving no forwarding address. If my blog bores you, don’t read it. So haters go ahead and keep on hating because you are only making me stronger. Have a nice life.
“What other people think of you is none of your business.” ~ Ru Paul
Lunchtime Entertainment, Free of Charge
I think Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont high was on to something with his suspicions that everyone is on dope…
So I am sitting in the lobby of the building taking a lunch break and well sometimes when you least expect it, and with a little eavesdropping you get handed great writing material…and to put the free entertainment karma back into rotation I’ve even added in my own grand finale… (yes, JoAnnie, it IS a grand finale worth waiting for).
These two moron yuppies are sitting on the chairs next to me… at first there were other people sitting around us at the other tables so I couldn’t hear much of what they are saying but I knew they were talking about “chicks”. Let me start off my saying in their defense that this is my version of what I heard mixed in with my professional exaggeration.
Yuppie #1 is telling his friend, Yuppie #2 about his love triangle situation. I am intently listening, fervently writing and biting the inside of my cheek to keep a straight face. The Carla in me is DYING to chime in my two cents but I am a “mature adult” so I decided to be mature and just continue eavesdropping so I could share this story with all of you.
So Yuppie #1 is talking about this girl who he is someone affiliated with through work somehow and who seems to be in his circle of friends or colleagues. Apparently, this girl we will call her “the chick” had a sweatshirt or something he loved and wanted to get own of his own so she went all the way to Garland, TX to get it for him. Please note that Garland, TX is like a ten minute drive from Addison, TX where this conversation is taking place.
Yuppie #1 is very impressed with “the chick” for taking the initiative to drive all the way out there just for his sweatshirt even though she was going all the way to Garland anyway. So some text messages were exchanged and Yuppie #1 arranged the transaction (his word not mine) exchange with “the chick” which is to meet her for a quick drinks and get the sweatshirt.
He claims he was just trying to be nice after all, she did drive all the way to Garland just for this sweatshirt so the least he could do is have a quick drink with her that lasted until 4AM. Oh really? No, one stays up until 4AM talking to someone just to “be nice”. He totally wants to fuck this girl or he wouldn’t have agreed to meet her. Period. Oh, and let me further note… the bars here in the Dallas area close at 2AM.
So let me get this straight… I’m supposed to believe that all this girl does is get him a sweatshirt and this moron is so impressed by her gesture that he feels obligated to be nice to her? Until four AM? Does this guy actually believe what he is saying? There is no way in hell….
So the next day “the chick” is sending Yuppie #1 text messages, many text messages. This guy is actually confused as to why she is contacting him so much after the obligatory night of drinks and conversation with “the chick”.
This guy is definitely brain-damaged. Hello, jack ass you don’t hang out with a girl until 4 AM out of obligation for a sweatshirt. Come the fuck on. I thought the clueless thing was an act until he said, “I just don’t get why she is contacting me so much, I mean, I am an upfront forward guy.” Uh huh, sure you are buddy.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse Yuppie #1 starts talking about how he told “the chick” that he can’t continue being in contact with her because of his girlfriend even though he is no longer mentally participating in the relationship he is still in a relationship with her and he has a lot of respect for her. That came directly out of his mouth followed by offhandedly mentioning that “the chick” was one of his girlfriends best friends.
Is he referencing the same girlfriend that he has an enormous amount of respect for? Correct me if I am wrong but isn’t flirting behind your girlfriends back, flirting with your girlfriends best friend, checking out of a relationship mentally, stringing your girlfriend along and not telling your girlfriend that her best friend is a back stabbing whore all utterly and completely acts of disrespect?
Yuppie #1 told “the chick” that she is “in dangerous territory”, so dangerous in fact that he is choosing to do nothing about it but let it happen because he is just another generic liar with a penis. At this point Yuppie #1 informs his friend that the only solution is to let “the chick” pursue him. He definitely can’t pursue her beacuse that wouldn’t be right.
What happened to loyalty? What happened to ACTUAL respect? One of these girls needs to throw a dictionary at this guy and run. What is wrong with you girls? WHYYYYYY do you keep throwing away your girlfriends for a guy? If he hooked up with you behind her back its only a matter of time before he hooks up with your friend behind YOUR back. For the love of god girls stop this cycle. We as women have all the power, pussy power so why are you letting these moron guys get away with this shit? Is your self-esteem that low? If it is get a gay boyfriend and take control of your pussy power because you’re making the rest of us look bad.
Because I managed to maintain my high level of maturity by keeping a straight-ish face and not chiming in during their conversation. I decided to reward myself with a little icing to this beautiful lunchtime Neanderthal cake… I decide to write a note to yuppie #2 afterward I folded it, packed up my stuff, handed the note to him and quickly walked to the elevator.
Please thank your moron friend for providing the most excellent blog topic for me to write about today. Your friend is truly an inspiration. He inspires me to want to stay single. FOREVER.
MM
PS. Totally entertaining though. Two enthusiastic thumbs up!
Your Cock is Not THAT Big
This has been bothering me for a long time about public transportation… Why do a large number of men sit with their legs wide open taking up two seats when someone else could be sitting there?
Isn’t it rude to say, could you please close your legs?
This also reminds me of the fat guy on the airplane who refused to put the arm rest down when he was spilling over into half my seat.
My complaint was shrugged off by the delta flight attendant and my request for a refund of half my fare for the half a seat I lost was also ignored by delta when I wrote them one of my famous “heated letters”.
Now here i am on a bus in TX and just like in NYC the guys in Texas also think they should get an extra seat for their cock on public transportation.
I just don’t get it why do most of you guys need all this space? Is this a form of advertising for you? Are we someday soon going to see ads up and down your pants.
Get over yourself…
Promise Me Red Carpet, Deliver NASCAR and I’ll Get You Sick
As a hypochondriac I try to stay off sights like webmd but maybe theres something about treating illnesses that aren’t there… It makes you feel better in your head and you never risk getting anyone sick. I think that option beats the alternative which is the natural route… For those of you who are masochists or some bible thumping religion who chooses to prayer over drugs please stay far away from me. Now because you chose not to treat what ails you now you’ve given it to me any everyone around town.
After you get me sick and refuse to acknowledge the fact that i need medicine please refrain from using my weakened condition as a time sell your other beliefs to me.
No, sausage on my pizza doesn’t make me crave a bacon burger any less. Buying me tampons and ignoring my request for chocolate is only gonna make YOU have a bad day. Trying to replace my chocolate with organic chocolate isn’t going to win you points because it’s more expensive. Trying to force me to drink soy milk because you know I can’t afford milk isn’t anything but mean.
Basically what I’m saying is don’t judge people or attempt to forecast how you wouldve acted had you been in their situation unless YOU have been In their situation. Don’t give advice unless it’s good advice based upon YOUR personal life experiences. Don’t try to change or control people, they aren’t used cars and you can’t fix them up. Don’t pretend to be something your not to get a piece of ass. Dont argue about something unless you have facts to back you up.
I know who I am. I know exactly what I’ve done to press your buttons. I’m not afraid to tell you that your outfit looks bad. I’m not ashamed to own up to hurting your feelings and offering up an apology. So please refrain from trying to make me feel inferior when you start feeling guilty for misrepresenting yourself when I call you out on it.
Happy Sunday… Looks like I have all week to look forward to that big red carpet event. I’m content making fun of you while you watch NASCAR because afterall, I did get you sick.
Happy Day Before Easter Candy Season
Hooray… Cadbury Mini Eggs and Creme Eggs… I wait all year for valentines day to be over so i can stock up on my favorite candy of the year…
In honor of Valentines Day here is a poorly written poem.
Have a great day.
XO
MM
Are you ready to jump-start the day of the happy heart?
Be glad you have a little bit of a head start.
You must find a counterpart, to throw a dart at every sweetheart passing out cards in the shape of a heart that they consider art.
Well they will soon find out you aren’t the one they can out smart after you shove them into a roiling cart.
You know all they want is chocolate a la cart.
Every body part looks like plastic art shopping at the valentine’s day marriage mart.
That girl is just a tart and will leave you torn apart after she steals your go cart.
Please don’t fall apart b/c She treats you like a spare part because you have a quality that sets you apart
You are state of the art not just any ole thing you can pick up at Wal-Mart.
Ive decided to spend my day snuggling up to a pastry cart while listening to Motley Crue, Kick Start my heart.
Valentines Day Movie of Choice … DOWN WITH LOVE
Happy Valentines Day
Chloe Says “GRRRRRRRRR” to the City of Dallas
Really? Is everyone in the city of DALLAS on CRACK? This is embarrassing. Michael Vick was given a key to the city of DALLAS! My head is spinning and there are those little birdies circling above it… pretty soon my head is going to explode and confetti is going to pop out. Michael Vick is hardly a great role model for children but kudos to his people for getting him this great PR. A key to the city in the bible belt is the cure to all your bad publicity woes. [insert eye rolling] Maybe he can make a stop over at Martellus Bennett’s townhouse in Irving and he can teach him how to walk his dogs that haven’t stopped barking for OVER ONE YEAR.
The city of Dallas makes me sick. Dwaine Caraway… you’re on my bad list too.
Here is the link to read the article yourself on ESPN. If you want to read more about this topic check out this blog written by Matt Mosley who in my opinion is just another insensitive neanderthal who is clearly isn’t a dog owner.
To see the news story video that I got from the 97.1 The Eagle website (hooray Russ Martin for talking about this) click here http://www.wfaa.com/v/?i=115527714.
When interviewed about this topic, Chloe, Diva Dog Extraordinaire said “grrrrrrrrr”. She promptly left the interview for her afternoon nap which was rudely interrupted by the big bully dog who is always barking in the neighborhood where she visits her friend and is owned by dog owner of the year Dallas Cowboy, Martellus Bennett.
Michael Vick’s wholesome routine is hardly believable, and Martellus I hear you are a nice guy… so prove me wrong and start taking care of your dogs.
MM
I Can Do Lots of Things; Except Control What Comes Out of my Mouth
Fucking Up IS Funny… it is!!!
Well I had another interview and well I’m a little rusty… well, a lot rusty. I did great today but then near the end (after making it through like 7 people) I of course pull a typical open mouth insert foot move. There are certain questions that I feel are totally a waste of time to ask because no one answers them honestly, except for me…
Where do you see yourself in five years? (thank god this one wasnt asked but thats the worst)
What do you feel is your biggest work related accomplishment? I fucked this one up…
What is your biggest work related failure? HAHAHA this was the bad one…. “Not understanding corporate politics better before accepting a corporate job”
bang bang… I’m so dead. I think its pretty bad – even my recruiter hasn’t called.
Does anyone have any heavy duty tape so i can use it to tape my mouth closed?
Does anyone want to hire me? Anyone?
Anyone?
XOXO
MM
